Monday, June 24, 2013

notes from serving Vipassana courses

"When the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he feels one feeling- a bodily one, and not a mental one."

"He does not regard feeling, perception, volitional formations, or consciousness as self... that consciousness of his changes and alters"

"Thinking arises from elaborated perceptions and notions"

"Ability to maintain clarity and comprehension in the midst of feelings, perceptions and thoughts"

Look not for recognition, but follow the awakened, and set yourself free.

Never neglect your work.  Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.

To explore the truth about ourselves, we must examine what we are: body and mind.  We must learn to observe these directly within ourselves.  Accordingly, we must keep these points in mind:
1) The reality of the body may be imagined by contemplation, but to experience it directly one must work with sensations arising within it.
2) Similarly, the actual experience of the mind is attained by working with the contents of the mind.  In the same way that body and sensations cannot be observed separately, the midn cannot be observed apart from the contents of the midn.
3) Mind and matter are so closely interrelated that the contents of the mind always manifest themselves as sensations in the body.
For this reason the Buddha said:
Vedana samosarana sabbe dhamma
Everything that arises in the mind flows together with sensations.
Observation of sensation offers the only means to examine the totality of our being, physical as well as mental.

The six kinds of feeling are always being experienced at their respective sense bases.  However, those lacking in right view take it as "I see it, I hear it", etc.  This is the tenacious, mistaken view called "personality-belief" or "ego-belief".  The ego is always assumed to exist with respect to all feelings that arise and vanish at the six sense bases.  Just as the microbes infesting a sore can only be observed through a microscope, so only through insight knowledge can one observe the six kinds of feeling rapidly arising and vanashing at their respective sense bases.


Mae Chee Kaew:
Don't doubt the value of meditation or underestimate your abilities.  Be content with whatever progress you make because it reflects a part of the truth you are seeking.  As such, it is something you can rely on.
Cultivate your mind, as a farmer cultivates his fields.  Gradually clear the land; prepare the soil, plough the rows; sow the seeds; spread the manure; water the plants and pull the weeds.  Eventually, you'll reap a golden harvest.

Forest Desanas
The Buddha said that Nibbana is permanent.  When the heart has attained absolute contentment, and has let go of all sammati, it won't be upset by any problems, because it is totally devoid of them.  What problems can there be?  Living or dying poses no problem because they are part of nature.  This heart has transcended all the problems of the world.

Lovingkindness can be characterized as promoting the aspect of welfare.  Its function is to prefer welfare.  It is manifested as the removal of annoyance.  Its proxmiate cause is seeing loveableness in beings.  It succeeds when it makes ill will subside, and it fails when it produces (selfish) affection.

"For the Great Beings' minds retain their balance by giving preference to beings' welfare, by dislike of beings' suffering, by desire for the various successes achieved by beings to last, and by impartiality towards all beings.  They are unshakably resolute upon beings' welfare and happiness.  Through unshakable lovingkindness they place them first (before themselves).  Through equanimity they expect no reward.

Excertps from A Walkabout with Principesa Woman

6-3-13

Here we lay in the Robin Hill Cemetery.  The air is infused with the scent of beets.  And everyone knows that a story that starts with beets ends with another garden vegetable.
EXCEPT THIS ONE.
This one will end with ACADIA.
Not 27 yards away lie the physical remains of a clairvoyant physician.
Not 100 yards away lies a highway.
But all is quiet and peaceful in a cemetery.  Trees surround soft grass, people who may have gone any other number of places beyond their burial ground are still thought of and visited by loved ones.

6-4

Trip morals

1) Tell the truth (x3)
2) If you're confused, lack of #1 gets a free pass
3) Forgetting < Being Confused but still okay
4) Lying is the worst (see #1)

Rules

1) Speak in a whipser week 1, lip reading week 2, mind reading week 3
2) keep your gaze at a 20 degree angle maximum from the ground
3) if you feel tired when trying to biphase, you can monophase
4) yellowish red streamwater is not for consumption.

Events

~Angelica bestowed her grace upon us
~we were offered a tiny suitcase for both of our backpacks to fit in
~we cooked carrot bean soup secret with homemade stove
~mailed Gramps a nonfiction book about a traveling cat, for Father's Day, return address an arbitrary intersection where we happened to be at the current moment
~we spent $6, bringing the 2-day total to $7
~got danced at by the most enthusiastic UPS driver in the state of Massachusetts, maybe in the US

6-5

Today we picked up Christina, our baby stroller, at a thrift store.  We ate strawberry and bubblegum peep sandwiches.  Christina, our faithful friend through thick and thin, whether we spoke of her with reverence or disdain.

6-6

Woke up at 4am due to Holly's excellent coaching.  Off by 4:30... the sky was already turning pink!
When we stopped for a breakfest of lentils and Very Condensed Sweet Potatoes, a school bus driver exploded in glee in response to our curb wave.
The fam walked on.  The fam being Hepzibah, Balaina, Merle, Christina, Holly and Laura.
Near lunchtime an old man and his wife pulled up next to us.  The old man gruffly and loudly declared "Here!" and gave us $4.  His wife assisted him from there.  "So you can get yourselves a cold drink."  Wow!
Right after that a truck drove past with the word "Karma" on the grill hehehehehehe.
We took a dip in the pond, gave Holly her first haircut of mannnnny, and then we got to meet Gus.

As we were walking on 110, we saw a sign for the birthplace of John Greenleaf Whittier.  It was hard to simply walk past this sign, since the Whittiers have inadvertently become a part of my life via research for Stephen Sakellarios.

A field trip was leaving the home so we just looked at the sign outside.  And then Gus came out.  A 78 year old man of about 62 vertical inches.  Gus is a bona fide historian.  He accidentally gave us a free tour of the entire Whittier home, but he didn't even stop there.  He offered us books, answered our questions, asked us to sign the guestbook, and found out about our walk.  Uh oh.  InSISting on giving us a ride to Salisbury in his 1969 Chevy Impala with boat-sized trunk for gear-stashing, we could not hold out very long.
Gus is a very dramatic fellow.  He loves to go "Oooooo," clap his hand to his forehead, slow down mid sentence to build suspense and/or allow his audience to chime in.  And he loves to tell a story.  Plus, he's very good at it.
Mid-Whittier-tour, a man came in and asked permission for a few minutes' stay in the supposedly-closed-house-museum, because he'd wanted to come here for 25 years and finally made it at a time when it was "open"!  Gus always says yes when someone wants to see the home.  He works 7 days a week partially because of this fact.  So, the man came in.  When he talked or laughed, his whole belly would lift up and down with his diaphragm.  And it was quite a belly.  He was so happy to be there and on his way out he kept saying "God bless you, God bless you all." What a man.
Gus liked that I knew a bit of Whittier history.  And he loved Holly, for how could you not?  Soon enough we were all officially life-long friends, Oooooo!  He gave us a ride to Salisbury, told us the farmers he'd talked to before we elft had told him to drive us home instead of closer to our goal, and said he was sad he hadn't at least taken us to the beach.  Despite being 62" and 78 years old, it was he who removed my backpack from his boat trunk.  He made us promise to call him if we ever needed ANYTHING, offered numerous rides, got excited for us to get something to eat in Salisbury about half a dozen times, offered us money ("I have a LOT of money"), gave us hugs, told us he loved us and that we were friends for life, and asked us to send a postcard letting him know we're okay.  He waved goodbye multiple times as we walked away.  And when we met him for lunch a week and a half later he told us he almost cried while he was waving.  If all of this sounds a bit much, it wasn't.  You had to be there =0)
Holly and I probably said "Thank you" four dozen times to Gus in the 2 hours we spent with him.  I was giddy with happiness and glowing from ahgning out with Gus.  Holly said he remineded her of Grandma Claire.  And we spoke with him a few times on the phone and visited him again on this very same trip =0)

Day 5

Today we realized Holly's future career as a Travel Agent.  And we sang Funky Butt.  And couchsurfed with Cam and Sabba and Garrett.

Day 6

Pancakes.  10K.  Loud cheering.  Woke up Cam and Sab.  Market Day.  Free shuttle to Kittery.  Man in the market very phased by our trip, walked up to the floor-to-ceiling glass window to look at our stuff and smile and wave at we who were only 2 feet away, on the other side of the glass.  Dave of the fruits and veggies routing us along the ocean.  Dennis of the simple, birdsong filled, water and chips filled life.  Beach party, tuna subs, salt and vinegar chips, pizza crust.  Unidentified previously living blobs of various colors perched throughout the seaweed on the shore.  Met Joe and Baby, who took us to a potential camp site which we did not utilize.

Day 7

29 miles to Portland!  Country jams, road's gettin quieter, granny smith apples.  Stephen and Barbara's kindness playing into our ears.

Day 11 (days 8-10 shall remain forever a mystery to this particular journal)

Napped on a dock at a state park.  Ohhh glorious nap!  Helped a 90 year old man out of his boat.  Walked back toward Christina, where Holly observed Christina's newfound nudity.  "Are our backpacks gone?"   "oh... yeah."  Holly ate an apple, Laura giggled, and we decided to continue walking to Belfast.  On the left a mile up the road ias a barn sale.  Including a $20 once-used four-person tent with waterproof bag, two $4 jackets with hoods (aka sleeping bags), and a $1 "blanket" aka carpet.  And a 16 mile ride to Belfast with aNOTHer David, and John.  They offered to take us to Bar Harbor, but we were already riding too high off of their kindness. 
We have shed our extra layers!
We have gone our extra distance!
We have gained full body chemical suits!
Life is good!
To Acadia!
PS Subway bread by the soggy dozen


Day 14
Some people sit, some people squat, some switch it up, some have their minds blown by the various possibilities.  I still believe that today, which is the equivalent of Day 21, one week later, Holly and I have not tried each other's methods.  Sometimes you stick with what you like.


On the way home we met Gus for lunch at Dunkin Donuts.  There isn't really a way to adequately describe this lunch date, other than that it made me feel like I could live forever.  Gus.  IS.  the man.  And we are very lucky to know him.  Thank you, Gus.  Thank you, Acadia.  Goodnight, Holly.  Goodnight, Laura.  Goodnight, Holly.  Goodnight, Holly.

Monday, December 17, 2012

s'moa

from the chapter "committed to becoming"

the world, whose nature is to become other, is committed to becoming, has exposed itself to becoming; it relishes only becoming, yet what it relishes brings fear, and what it fears is pain.




no need to fearrrrrrrrrrrranythinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggatalllllllllll =0)

excerpts from "an end to suffering" by pankaj mishra

"Trapped in its subjectivity, the self recognized each image of the world as something to be made use of or exploited.  This is how it entered into a purely instrumental relationship with nature as well as with other human beings, whose subjectivity it did not acknowledge.  In pursuit of its desires, it reduced everything in the world to the level of 'things', which were either an aid or a hindrance to the fulfillment of desire.  The occasional fulfilment of desire strengthened the belief that one was a self, distinct from others; and such a belief fixed one further into the grid of such emotions as greed, hatred, and anger.
The Buddha tried to reverse this process by advocating a form of mental vigilance that undermined the individual's sense of a distinctive unchanging self with its own particular desires.  To observe even temporarily the incessant play of desire and activity in the mind was to see how the self was a process rather than an unchanging substance;how it had no single identity across time; and when assumed to be unchanging could only cause suffering and frustration.
He hoped to bring about a fundamental change in the attitudes of men savouring their individuality: to prove to them that everything in the world is part of a causal process and cannot exist in or by itself; that things are interdependent, and that this is true as much for human beings as for physical phenomena.

The Buddha began with a biological image of man as ruled by impulses and desres- the same image that inspired Adam Smith and Hobbes.  But he might have been puzzled by the assumption that the private satisfaction of these impulses and desires would not only somehow bring about an ideal state and society but also eventually make the individual more self-aware.  His own attempt was to reveal how unchecked desire led to the individual's alienation from both nature and human society.
It is partly why he did not try to envision the moral and political order that could accommodate such autonomous individuals and their desires.  He wished to establish what Rousseau called 'the reign of virtue'.  But he did not see it coming about through an abstract political organization.  Although he stressed that the ruler be righteous, he balked at making a faceless entity such as the state the supposed arbiter between allegedly solitary and fearful individuals, who preyed upon each other and so were in need of a remote master. The same delusion that made men suppose themselves to be solid and independent individual selves could also make them see such changing, insubstantial entities as state and society as real and enduring, and subordinate themselves to them.
The Buddha's compassion presupposed no gulf of class or caste between persons; it sprang from his concern with the mind and body of the active, suffering individual.  It sought to redirect individuals from the pursuit of political utopias to attentiveness and acts of compassion in everyday life.
As he saw it, without the belief in a self with an identity, a person will no longer be obsessed with regrets about the past and plans for the future.  Ceasing to live in the limbo of what ought to be but is not here yet, he will be fully alive in the present."

Friday, December 7, 2012

is my head too far up in the clouds?

"things" are real if you believe they are real.
bridget falco once wrote to me, "keep living in the exact world that you choose, even if most of that world exists in your thoughts"
look at it with me from this angle for a moment: aren't we all (people) living in the exact world that we choose, and doesn't a lot of that world exist in our thoughts?

elnombredisponible

it seems papita will end up here time and time again, through her fingertips or mine
"it is so easy to attach to things visually.  for me, it is a fixation on light, on its infinite nature.  light in all the colors together.  everything becomes one.  in everything.
i wonder if i can ever make peace with spoken language"

papita, here are the words with attached meanings that i thought of in response

it is so easy to attach to sounds.  for me, it is a fixation on vibrations, on their infinite nature.  vibrations traveling from one "thing" to another at every moment, connecting them all. everything becomes movement and change.  always...

spoken language has a lot of difficulties.  but papita, it is spoken language that allows you to create those stories for the kids.  that allows them to communicate things to you so you know that the way you are hoping to interact with the kids is happening.  and your new challenge to yourself seems like you are wanting to make peace with spoken words at the right time...
"one must be impeccable with one's words.  one must also know when things are superior to words, and secure in the arms of silence."
ms. frida, i like you.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

When we send the energy of love and compassion to another person, it doesn't matter if they know we are sending it.  The important thing is that the energy is there and the heart of love is there and is being sent out into the world.  When love and compassion are present in us, and we send them outward, then that is truly prayer.
In prayer there has to be mindfulness, concentration, insight, loving kindness, and compassion to put electric current in the wire.  We have to pray with our body, speech, and mind and with our daily life.  With mindfulness, our body, speech and mind can become one.
When we begin to pray, we may not yet be good at it, but we will already be able to generate some energy.  Gradually, as we begin to practice the precepts, concentration, and insight, our prayers will have more force, more power.
When the energies of compassion, understanding, and mindfulness are present, wisdom is more likely to arise.  We do not change ourselves alone, but we change the collective consciousness.  That collective consciousness is the key to all change.
We don't need to send prayers anywhere, because God is omnipresent.  Prayer is unlimited by space or time.
If there is a change in the individual consciousness, then a change in the collective consciousness will also take place.  When there is a change in the collective consciousness, then the situation of the individual can change; the situation of our loved one who is the object of our prayer can change.  This is why Buddhists say that everything arises from the mind.  Our mind is a creation of the collective consciousness.  If we want to have change, we have to return to our mind.  Our mind is a center that produces energy.  From this powerhouse we call mind, we can change the world.  We change it by means of a rel energy that we ourselves have created.  This is the most effective way of prayer.
In the Buddhist tradition, we know that praying as a community, a Sangha, is stronger than praying as an individual.  When we simultaneously practice sending spiritual energy, then that energy is magnified and much more effective.
We pray, but sometimes we may have a situation that is very difficult and we need a stronger energy.  The individual energy we can send is already something, but if we have a Sangha that is free and solid then the energy we can send together will certainly be greater.  Our own undivided attention is a key to open the door of the ultimate reality and the undivided attention of our friends in the pravtice is an even greater key.  When a Sangha of one hundred or one thousand people practices purifying the actions of body, speech, and mind, and unifying body and mind to send energy, the energy generated will be very powerful, and will be able to change the situation which we call karma, the causes and effects of our actions.
In Buddhism, we know that the one we are praying to lies inside as well as outside of us.