Monday, December 17, 2012

s'moa

from the chapter "committed to becoming"

the world, whose nature is to become other, is committed to becoming, has exposed itself to becoming; it relishes only becoming, yet what it relishes brings fear, and what it fears is pain.




no need to fearrrrrrrrrrrranythinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggatalllllllllll =0)

excerpts from "an end to suffering" by pankaj mishra

"Trapped in its subjectivity, the self recognized each image of the world as something to be made use of or exploited.  This is how it entered into a purely instrumental relationship with nature as well as with other human beings, whose subjectivity it did not acknowledge.  In pursuit of its desires, it reduced everything in the world to the level of 'things', which were either an aid or a hindrance to the fulfillment of desire.  The occasional fulfilment of desire strengthened the belief that one was a self, distinct from others; and such a belief fixed one further into the grid of such emotions as greed, hatred, and anger.
The Buddha tried to reverse this process by advocating a form of mental vigilance that undermined the individual's sense of a distinctive unchanging self with its own particular desires.  To observe even temporarily the incessant play of desire and activity in the mind was to see how the self was a process rather than an unchanging substance;how it had no single identity across time; and when assumed to be unchanging could only cause suffering and frustration.
He hoped to bring about a fundamental change in the attitudes of men savouring their individuality: to prove to them that everything in the world is part of a causal process and cannot exist in or by itself; that things are interdependent, and that this is true as much for human beings as for physical phenomena.

The Buddha began with a biological image of man as ruled by impulses and desres- the same image that inspired Adam Smith and Hobbes.  But he might have been puzzled by the assumption that the private satisfaction of these impulses and desires would not only somehow bring about an ideal state and society but also eventually make the individual more self-aware.  His own attempt was to reveal how unchecked desire led to the individual's alienation from both nature and human society.
It is partly why he did not try to envision the moral and political order that could accommodate such autonomous individuals and their desires.  He wished to establish what Rousseau called 'the reign of virtue'.  But he did not see it coming about through an abstract political organization.  Although he stressed that the ruler be righteous, he balked at making a faceless entity such as the state the supposed arbiter between allegedly solitary and fearful individuals, who preyed upon each other and so were in need of a remote master. The same delusion that made men suppose themselves to be solid and independent individual selves could also make them see such changing, insubstantial entities as state and society as real and enduring, and subordinate themselves to them.
The Buddha's compassion presupposed no gulf of class or caste between persons; it sprang from his concern with the mind and body of the active, suffering individual.  It sought to redirect individuals from the pursuit of political utopias to attentiveness and acts of compassion in everyday life.
As he saw it, without the belief in a self with an identity, a person will no longer be obsessed with regrets about the past and plans for the future.  Ceasing to live in the limbo of what ought to be but is not here yet, he will be fully alive in the present."

Friday, December 7, 2012

is my head too far up in the clouds?

"things" are real if you believe they are real.
bridget falco once wrote to me, "keep living in the exact world that you choose, even if most of that world exists in your thoughts"
look at it with me from this angle for a moment: aren't we all (people) living in the exact world that we choose, and doesn't a lot of that world exist in our thoughts?

elnombredisponible

it seems papita will end up here time and time again, through her fingertips or mine
"it is so easy to attach to things visually.  for me, it is a fixation on light, on its infinite nature.  light in all the colors together.  everything becomes one.  in everything.
i wonder if i can ever make peace with spoken language"

papita, here are the words with attached meanings that i thought of in response

it is so easy to attach to sounds.  for me, it is a fixation on vibrations, on their infinite nature.  vibrations traveling from one "thing" to another at every moment, connecting them all. everything becomes movement and change.  always...

spoken language has a lot of difficulties.  but papita, it is spoken language that allows you to create those stories for the kids.  that allows them to communicate things to you so you know that the way you are hoping to interact with the kids is happening.  and your new challenge to yourself seems like you are wanting to make peace with spoken words at the right time...
"one must be impeccable with one's words.  one must also know when things are superior to words, and secure in the arms of silence."
ms. frida, i like you.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

When we send the energy of love and compassion to another person, it doesn't matter if they know we are sending it.  The important thing is that the energy is there and the heart of love is there and is being sent out into the world.  When love and compassion are present in us, and we send them outward, then that is truly prayer.
In prayer there has to be mindfulness, concentration, insight, loving kindness, and compassion to put electric current in the wire.  We have to pray with our body, speech, and mind and with our daily life.  With mindfulness, our body, speech and mind can become one.
When we begin to pray, we may not yet be good at it, but we will already be able to generate some energy.  Gradually, as we begin to practice the precepts, concentration, and insight, our prayers will have more force, more power.
When the energies of compassion, understanding, and mindfulness are present, wisdom is more likely to arise.  We do not change ourselves alone, but we change the collective consciousness.  That collective consciousness is the key to all change.
We don't need to send prayers anywhere, because God is omnipresent.  Prayer is unlimited by space or time.
If there is a change in the individual consciousness, then a change in the collective consciousness will also take place.  When there is a change in the collective consciousness, then the situation of the individual can change; the situation of our loved one who is the object of our prayer can change.  This is why Buddhists say that everything arises from the mind.  Our mind is a creation of the collective consciousness.  If we want to have change, we have to return to our mind.  Our mind is a center that produces energy.  From this powerhouse we call mind, we can change the world.  We change it by means of a rel energy that we ourselves have created.  This is the most effective way of prayer.
In the Buddhist tradition, we know that praying as a community, a Sangha, is stronger than praying as an individual.  When we simultaneously practice sending spiritual energy, then that energy is magnified and much more effective.
We pray, but sometimes we may have a situation that is very difficult and we need a stronger energy.  The individual energy we can send is already something, but if we have a Sangha that is free and solid then the energy we can send together will certainly be greater.  Our own undivided attention is a key to open the door of the ultimate reality and the undivided attention of our friends in the pravtice is an even greater key.  When a Sangha of one hundred or one thousand people practices purifying the actions of body, speech, and mind, and unifying body and mind to send energy, the energy generated will be very powerful, and will be able to change the situation which we call karma, the causes and effects of our actions.
In Buddhism, we know that the one we are praying to lies inside as well as outside of us.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


The mushrooming of new religions and the attention that Asian outlooks are receiving in the West are surface signs of change, but more important are the shifts that are occurring in the Western worldview itself.  Science is changing.  It is showing Newtonian matter to be but the frozen surface of a nature which, at its torrential source, is ghostlike, "empathic" in the degree of its responsiveness, and in important ways ineffable.  And along with these changes within science, our attitude toward science is changing; we are maturing in our capacity to see it in perspective.  Impressed by its technology and power-to-prove, we slipped for a century or so into looking to science for the last true word about everything.  Now we see that there are things- they tend to be the higher, more important things- about which it can tell us nothing.  This frees us to look seriously to other sources of knowledge that take those things into account.

Monday, July 2, 2012

perfect day for bananabread

two unusual looking girls could be spotted walking down shattuck toward the berkeley bowl on the evening of july 2nd.  one is on the phone with her mom, talking about food.  the other, after a sad collection of events, is mourning the loss of the strap of her beloved shoe.  two days prior, both had sat on a street corner nearby, attempting to earn enough loose change to see moonrise kingdom for the 3rd and 2nd time, respectively.  they ended up collecting a grand total of: $0.00.  but.... company was earned.  one man drifted off the map after 35 years, and is back 4 years later with surreal tales of passing through jail.  the other is a tool fan, who goes by the name of origami tony.  the two fit together better than you'd think.
now one ponders the face of her crush.  her crush whom she has not yet spoken to.  she shall never speak to him, despite the fact that she will probably see him four to six times before the summer is through.  alas, it is entirely understandable that she cannot picture his face, for he covers it with an incredibly childish looking animal mask.
but we digress.  this story is supposed to be about bananabread.  not a bananafish.  not a bananacrush.  not even bananafriends.  BREAD goddammit BREAD.
so we've got eight rotting bananas in our freezer.  oh man are they frozen.  the solution is to put them in the toaster oven, and three minutes later to remove them with their leaking banana juice and licking it off her hands.  frida, that is. that's who her is.
though the toaster oven was of much assistance, it was undeniable that the bananas were still quite frozen. laura tried to mash, frida to smash.  and eventually the bananas joined the mix of other ingredients that had, VERY carelessly, been measured out.  wheat flour could be spotted on the floor, the counter, the stovetop, and in the sink.  banana peels formed a miniature mountain from the depths of the sink ocean.  frida observed the dough as it reached a state of completion.
"it looks like chicken salad" she declared with habitual serenity.
we put the chicken salad in the oven and thought about all we'd accomplished.  laura, the eager apprentice and frida, the kitchen master, would find out in only 60 minutes time what the fruits of their labor would yield....
Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bead, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet thru his right temple.

Thursday, June 28, 2012


I invite myself in to somebody’s mind,
Curiously, joyfully welcomed to stay and explore and listen and be heard  
And all the while evidence grows
Everything happening is the creation of our own minds
Individually we create worlds entirely unique
Brushing our paints all over a canvas we thought to be blank
But we didn’t quite see what we were looking at
The canvas appeared empty but
White light contains all colors
As we covered the white with our individual colors
We hid that which was already there for us all
And now each mind lives in its own unique world
Wishing we could see that white canvas together once again
Ohhhhhh yes we can

We may look out at the colors of others
We may look in at the colors of our own
Watch what happens as the colors of your own dissolve
Watch what happens as your canvas becomes blank
The colors are only fragmented white light
They are integral parts of the white light
Integral
Parts

Thursday, May 31, 2012


from The Bhagavad Gita
In this world there are two roads of perfection.  Not by refraining from action does man attain freedom from action.  Not by mere renunciation does he attain supreme perfection.  For not even for a moment can a man be without action.  Helplessly are all driven to action by the forces born of Nature.  He who withdraws himself from actions, but ponders on their pleasures in his heart, he is under a delusion and is a false follower of the Path.  But great is the man who, free from attachments, and with a mind ruling its powers in harmony, works on the path of Karma Yoga, the path of consecrated action.  Action is greater than inaction: perform therefore thy task in life.  Even the life of the body could not be if there were no action.  The world is in the bonds of action, unless the action is consecration.  Let thy actions then be pure, free from the bonds of desire.  Thus spoke the Lord of Creation when he made both man and sacrifice: “By sacrifice thou shalt multiply and obtain all thy desires. By sacrifice shalt thou honour the gods and the gods will then love thee.  And thus in harmony with them shalt thou attain the supreme good.  For pleased with thy sacrifice, the gods will grant to thee the joy of all thy desires.  Only a thief would enjoy their gifts and not offer them in sacrifice.”
Holy men who take as food the remains of sacrifice become free from all their sins; but the unholy who have feasts for themselves eat food that is in truth sin.  Food is the life of all beings, and all food comes from rain above.  Sacrifice brings the rain from heaven, and sacrifice is sacred action.  Sacred action is described in the Vedas and these come from the Eternal, and therefore is the Eternal everpresent in a sacrifice.
The man who has found the joy of the Spirit and in the Spirit has satisfaction, who in the Spirit has found his peace, that man is beyond the law of action.  He is beyond what is done and beyond what is not done, and in all his works he is beyond the help of mortal beings.  In liberty from the bonds of attachment, do thou therefore the work to be done: for the man whose work is pure attains indeed the Supreme.
Let thy aim be the good of all, and then carry on thy task in life.
In the actions of the best men others find their rule of action.  The path that a great man follows becomes a guide to the world.  I have no work to do in all the worlds, and yet I work.  If I was not bound to action, men that follow many paths would follow my path of inaction.
Even as the unwise work selfishly in the bondage of selfish works, let the wise man work unselfishly for the good of all the world.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

do you think the thoughts you have in your head can be as powerful as things said out loud

i they are one and hte same

(at the moment of writing this, this is on present on my (virtual/real?) life:

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-idrFK-Icz7g/T2-9Dt9Hq1I/AAAAAAAABwM/P3VmNkRN7y8/s833/DSC_0674.jpg
https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-YxMOH1i-CHA/T2-9GgovuNI/AAAAAAAABwU/LuHUrx44uBA/s833/DSC_0677.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7h2ryr_uUEs&ob=av2e (i like the way he moans so much... his voice too, but the moans make my chest pound a little bit)
)


thoughts transcend into actions (and vice versa)
not always verbal (but always something)
the eyes cant deceive someone who isnt afraid to look into them
taking a chance to get drawn into a tornado
oh, when the eyes look away (!!)
when they look out of the corner
theres no defined meaning to that
but, in context, they say so much

things said out loud are......
cycles (a lot of the time, not always... you can really pierce sometimes)
i found myself abstracting out a conversation
and it was like seeing a marble on top of a moving platform whose center was blocked off
there was never a resoultion
an end point
it was just revolving around something unspeakable
powered by enthusiasm
were we afraid to speak THE unspeakable?
im not sure
but we did not touch it
and i was thinking about it the entire time
my chest feeling hollow
wanting to REACH SOMEWHERE
not just being a spectator of this phenomenon that emanated such strange energy
i wanted to put my hands over it, like over a fire
and then slide them apart from each other, and give my chest a peek of this
trying to fill in the hollow
but there was no way of doing that
the other party was comfortable just walking around
strolling along with time
... so i did the same.

the flowers look sad, dont they?
i think the photographer relates to the things presented to him out there, and captures them

(what about the "before i forget"s?)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

i was driving the other day, listening to tchaikovsky's violin concerto (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATK_pj2iMqg)
and as soon as the violin solo started playing
i had a very strange reaction
i felt very overwhelmed
like i knew how powerful this sound was
and i couldn't do anything about it
(it is going to go on; it is its own being)
this feeling manifested itself as follows:
my fingers needed to be tight, as if trying to create a void
but the wheel was on the way
it was as if i was trying to get rid of this overwhelming feeling
so my arms tightened, my grip tightened around the wheel
and i was pushing my body with my arms away from the wheel
and i closed my eyes
until i could breathe again
(once the violin could breathe as well)
and i kept driving
but my fingers were dancing on my leg, on the wheel, on my face
and when i got to the place i was going
and the music stopped
i sat back and let my body melt with the silence for a while

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Annabel Lee- lyrics to the song cycle and explanation

Dear Josh,
If you're reading this.... thanks!!!!

Annabel Lee (this is Edgar Allan Poe's poem lyrics put to the piano piece, Un Sospiro, by Franz Liszt. I thought Un Sospiro sounded like the "sounding sea".)

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Another New World (you probably recognize this)
The leading lights of the age all wondered amongst
themselves what I would do next
After all that I'd found in my travels around
the world was there anything else left?
"Gentlemen", I said, "I've studied the maps"
"And if what I'm thinking is right"
"There's another new world at the top of the world"
"For whoever can break through the ice"

I looked round the room in that way I once had
and I saw that they wanted belief
So I said "All I've got are my guts and my God"
then I paused,"and the Annabelle Lee"
Oh the Annabelle Lee, I saw their eyes shine
the most beautiful ship in the sea
My Nina, My Pinta, My Santa Maria
My beautiful Annabelle Lee

That spring we set sail as the crowds waved from shore
and on board the crew waved their hats
But I never had family just the Annabelle Lee
so I didn't have cause to look back
I just set the course north and I studied the charts
and toward dark I drifted toward sleep
and I dreamed of the fine deep harbor I'd find
past the ice for my Annabelle Lee

After that it got colder the world got quiet
it was never quite day or quite night
And the sea turned the color of sky turned the color
of sea turned the color of ice
'Til at last all around us was fastness
one vast glassy desert of arsenic white
And the waves that once lifted us
sifted instead into drifts against Annabelle's sides

The crew gathered closer at first for the comfort
but each morning would bring a new set
of the tracks in the snow leading over the edge
of the world 'til I was the only one left
After that it gets cloudy but it feels like I lay there
for days maybe for months
But Annabelle held me the two of us happy
just to think back on all we had done

We talked of the other worlds we'd discover
as she gave up her body to me
And as I chopped up her mainsail for timber
I told her of all that we still had to see
As the frost turned her moorings to nine-tail
and the wind lashed her sides in the cold
I burned her to keep me alive every night
in the loving embrace of her hold

I won't call it rescue what brought me here back to
the old world to drink and decline
And to pretend that the search for another new world
was well-worth the burning of mine
But sometimes at night in my dreams comes the singing
of some unknown tropical bird
And I smile in my sleep thinking Annabelle Lee
has finally made it to another new world

Be Here Now by Mason Jennings


Be here now
No other place to be
Or just sit there dreaming
Of how life would be
If we were somewhere better
Somewhere far
Away from all our worries
Well here we are
You, are the love, of my life
Be here now
No other place to be
All the doubts that linger
Just set them free
And let good things happen
And let the future come
Into each moment
Like a rising sun
You, are the love, of my life
You, are the love, of my life
Yea you know you are
Sun comes up and we start again (x 6)
And it's all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now
Be here now
No other place to be
This whole world keeps changing
Come change with me
Everything that's happened
All that's yet to come
Is here inside this moment
Its the only one
You, are the love, of my life
You, are the love, of my life
Yeah you know you are
Sun comes up and we start again (x 6)
Its all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now

My Response to all of these lyrics- using your music from Another New World and keeping some of the lyrics too! So it is kind of an extension of your song =0)

The leading lights of the age all wondered amongst
Themselves what I would do next
After all that I'd found in my travels around
The World was there anything left?
Gentlemen I said, I've studied the maps
And if what I'm thinking is right
In any part of this great big circular world
We can always break through the ice

I looked round the room in that way I once had
And I saw that they wanted belief
So I said "All I've got is one simple idea, in order to bring us relief"
Well I looked for a sparkle or shine in their eye
To help me begin to speak
But I didn't find it, so I closed my eyes and remembered the Annabelle Lee

Here I sit with you all right here at my side
In this Old World of drink and decline
Pretending the search for Another New World
Is well worth the burning of mine
But this Old World we're in, wouldn't look quite so dim
If we took a good look around
And smiled for the light flooding down on us bright
That we cover with troubles we've found

The crew gathered closer at first in confusion
But each passing moment would bring
A new recollection of moments right here
In this Old World that still made them sing
Why should we ignore the crowd waving from shore
They don't have to be waving good bye
For its sheer good fortune to miss those you love
Every day that you're sharing alive
The ice started melting

Oh Annabel Lee may have died by the sea
But at such cost doesn't it seem
We'd all better take this Old World we know
And break through the ice and just be

Oh Annabel Lee may have died by the sea
But at such cost doesn't it seem
We'd all better take this Old World we know
And break through the ice and just be