Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

Okay so this is totally a pipedream. But that's how good times start sometimes, right? So I'm asking for input from y'all on this idea I've been formulating for a bit now. It has the potential to take no shape at all, and it has the potential to become reality... so we'll see what happens =0)

I know some of us have more intense jobs than others and that this is not necessarily feasible for everyone. But I've been thinking: I want to find a group of people who are willing to meet up at the beginning of the summer (June-ish?) and just jam, jam, jam, really start gelling together and creating some beautiful music. Then when we feel ready, our little impromptu jam band goes on a roadtrip of sorts, just playing little local gigs, and/or just playing in the park or on the sidewalk, or trying to set up a few actual gigs through any connections we may have already. This is what I daydream about sometimes. So I wanted to share the idea with all you musical adventurers and see if anyone has similar daydreams. Beautiful music with beautiful people in beautiful places, okay maybe i'm waxing poetic to the point of utter cheesiness but i just want to make sure y'all catch my drift here. So let me know your thoughts =0) I love you all, happy holidays.

Roadtrip with Jordan part 2

Jordan's relatives, Dick and Marian, spoiled us rotten and gave us a really good tour of Sedona. we hiked, went to the farmer's market, got "real new york bagels", and got to see how varied the landscape of the area really is. the southwest is really enchanting. new mexico calls itself the land of enchantment and i think someone chose the perfect title.
so we stayed with Dick and Marian for a couple of days before heading out for san diego. this 10 hour drive from sedona to san diego is breathtaking. if you take the local roads heading southwest out of sedona to connect to highway 10 west of phoenix, i promise you you will not be sorry. landscapes such as you have never seen.
in san diego we stayed with Danielle, who is jordan's friend from counseling at a summer camp in alaska this past summer. we stayed at her grandpa's house in alpine, which is about 45 minutes east of san diego and a totally different world. highlights of hanging out with danielle include but are not limited to:
bouncing on the trampoline
playing king of the hill on the sand dunes
DISC!
going in the pacific at ocean beach
danielle getting her first guitar
going to a dueling piano bar called the shout house and meeting phil's brother henry and my friend from montana and her fiancee
and oh yeah, skydiving hahahahaha
hanging out as the 3 of us kind of felt like hanging out as the 3 of us on the bike trip... a motley crew just out to have a good time. i was really sad to leave jordan and danielle but the next leg of my trip quickly took a turn. instead of switching roadtrips and driving back to the east coast, i decided to get off my greyhound bus in los angeles and catch a plane home, for a couple of different reasons. so now i have been up all night, meeting lots of people in la, including one named kenny who thinks we're going to get married someday hahaha (he just got back from his year long around the world trip and is in the us for the first time since he left!). it's about 5am, and i'll be back in boston at 8pm. although this whole roadtrip lasted less than 2 weeks, they were some of the best 2 weeks of my whole year, and i have the opposite of regrets about going on the trip =0) what a good year! austin, idaho, home, austin, bike trip, austin, israel, home, roadtrip... aieee. austin beckons me back and i will run towards its open arms... after spending a lot of quality time with the fam and friends of Westborough, the Motherland.
i am really grateful to have spent time with so many awesome people on the roadtrip- jordan, danielle, peter, marian, dick, anna, joel, jacob, the rangers, kenny, shalain, todd, erin and james, henry, joey, tyrone, and so many other people we got to meet and talk to. we were shown so much generosity, as always seems to happen on these trips, and now my main goal is to spread it at least as much as it already has been spread.

Roadtrip with Jordan!

The past week of life has been quite good! Here's a little recaperoo...
So on Saturday I got to see my cousin Julia perform in the Nutcracker ballet in New Jersey. Now this kid has been dancing for a looooong time, and I would say it's her second nature, but maybe actually it's her first. So it is really cool to get to see her in her element. Even though she's just about to turn 16, I really feel like she has a really good child-like sense of humor and fun, but emotionally/mentally she is pretty far beyond a 16-year-old, and I think you can see it in her dancing, too. Although she stayed in great rhythm with the other dancers, her movements seemed more intentional and slow and peaceful than the movements of some of the other dancers.
Sunday morning hopped on a plane and went straight through the clouds. The people who sat across from me on the plane had unusually raucous laughs, and lately I've been appreciating those more and more, so that was all I needed to have a good time on the plane. They also gave out frosted animal crackers, probably the most exciting plane snack I've ever been offered.
Jordan picked me up from the airport and we went to Maya's new house for Sean's birthday brunch. Seeing everyone I'd just said good bye to two weeks ago was reallllllly awesome. Everything felt just like Austin always feels, which has really started in some ways to feel like home.
Monday we left at 7am for Santa Fe! Where we stayed with a couchsurfing host named Peter Weiss. Now I could write for hours about this guy. He is a human encyclopedia and we talked the first night from like 8pm-1am, then the next morning from like 7am-3pm, and then we came back two nights later for some more. You're thinking... isn't talking that much exhausting, and shouldn't you be out exploring Santa Fe while you're there? That's a double "no". I've never met anyone quite like Peter, he really makes your imagination and your aspirations take off.
Oh goodness, I'm feeling antisocial at Jordan's relatives' house going on and on on the dang ol computer. Let's move faster...
In Santa Fe we hung out with a homeless man and traded drawings with him, stayed with another couple and stayed up late playing catchphrase as a drinking game/some people played video games til 6am (definitely not me). Met a gypsy traveler at Peter's house who just sailed from Hawaii to Seattle and is now slowly making her way home to Florida to help her sister who isn't doing too well. Then we drove to Flagstaff for some karaoke and dancing (which Jordan rules at so it was super fun), Jordan made someone's 40th birthday by accidentally singing the song they wanted, and I got to two-step with my favorite man in the place, Tyrone. Then we had a jam session in the parking lot from all the musical inspiration, in the 20 degree weather at midnight. Drove to Kaibab Nat'l Forest and car camped in the Hotel Hyundai, aka the front seat of Jordan's car, cuz there was snow on the ground and we didn't feel like sleeping in it.
Got up at 6 and I drove Jordan's stick shift Hotel Hyundai to the entrance of the Grand Canyon under his able instruction (usually I even have trouble driving automatic, not one of my strong points). Used the parks pass we got at Petrified National Forest (which we were initally going to camp at but the campsite was actually creepy as hell so we left) and went straight to the backcountry office to get a permit to camp at the bottom. Well, the next 24 hours were unbelievable. We met so many cool people, some of who we made plans to meet up with again, and since we brought a guitar down to the bottom of the canyon (which none of the rangers had ever seen before!), a lot of impromptu serenadings and jams went down. Plus the canyon is unbelievably beautiful =0)
Now we're at Jordan's relative's in Sedona so I'm gonna go. Hasta la vista!

RAMMMMMBLINGZZZZZ

Half dreaming, half thinking? Imagination?
Me and Paul are walking in Austin, but the sky is a lot of fall colors, kind of like my sleeping bag, even though I can't see the sun anywhere. We are talking about something and I keep saying a word that starts with an "f", maybe "fake", but Paul keeps thinking I'm saying "pack"... like what happens in refugee class every day. Regina Spektor's voice keeps singing in my head in such a way that I feel like her voice is actually coming out of me, but it's just that one stupid line... "He's a wounded animal!"
In a semi conscious state I remember thinking, "after talking to Joe, I always feel like my thought process is more clear, focused, and on the right track"... so my mind went into "manic mode" (like how I felt when I took percocet) and started thinking through nearly everything I thought about throughout the day yesterday, only now i felt like it was from a much better perspective, more rational and less egotistical.
Then I felt these blue pulsations from the center of my mind traveling outward, and I imagined that it really was this energy flowing out of my body and into our room. So I decided to try to focus it and this kind of felt like lucid dreaming. I decided to try to fill our room with a peaceful, calming presence. But I don't know if I really felt like that happened or not.

Sherri says:
"Spiritually evolved people are experiencing many lifetimes in one, going through sweeping changes"
"We are coming to the end of a cycle of complete corruption and suffering. The physical plane will no longer be the dominant reality. The energy plane will be dominant"

One of the finest arts to master is listening. Listening and observing- these are the things that lead to understanding. And I'm talking about this with regards to literally everything- what other people are saying, what they're feeling... what species of plants and animals are around you and why, and how they interact with each other and with you, and listening to/observing your own place in your little niche in the world. If you try, you realize that at any given moment there are multiple things going on around you that you were completely unaware of. but the more i feel like i'm taking in what's going on around me, the more I feel myself forming unique connections to my surroundings. And you can always dig deeper and deeper layers. You start to become hypersensitive to things that didn't seem terribly significant before. How much noise there is in the city! How the earth is rattled beneath the surface by all of our hustle and bustle. Lie down in the grass anywhere downtown, spread out and press your ear against the earth. You can feel the vibrations, feel the disruptions we are causing without a thought or care. Flying is always so baffling because you can really see just how much we've altered the earth's surface and even its atmosphere (smog over all the cities). And what else is baffling is how easy it is for us to get so wrapped up in our own worlds.

If you are Jewish, you should do Israel by Foot

Just landed back in the United States after spending 10 days in Israel, with an organization called Taglit Birthright Israel. The trip I signed up for is called Israel by Foot. 40 Jewish Americans meet up with 6-8 Israeli soldiers and students and travel all around the country (which is about the size of New Jersey) on a bus, in some of the most intense 10 days of my life. This trip is completely paid for, and Israel welcomes you with open arms. People actually say to you, "Welcome home". Sleep = no. Taking in more ideas and information than you thought you could absorb while becoming really close to a lot of peopel = yes. I haven't felt such an adventurous spirit in.. well... I guess a few weeks hahaha, but it sure does feel good. I'd love to be a trip leader in the future...
If you're between 22-26 years old and have even a tiny bit of Jewish heritage in your family, I really encourage you to go on this trip. Your perspective will magnify in ways you can't know until it happens, and you will make great friends in a land of deserts, thousands-of-years-old cities, hills, seas, kibbutzim, conflict, cemeteries. There is always a lot going on in Israel in terms of politics and religion, and it makes our lives seem very simple and safe.
All Israelis are required to join the army when they turn 18, and usually serve for 2-3 years. They are intellectually and emotionally wise beyond their years, far ahead of their American peers I would have to say. And hilarious. I never thought I'd become close friends with Israeli soldiers, but the past 10 days have allowed that to happen. I can't describe how I feel right now, the best I can do is say that I'm very grateful to have gone on this trip.

Laur Remembers 2004

Laur left at 6am and naturally I couldn't sleep. The past two months DID have a lot of the same feelings as the summer of 2004. The fact that we can still identify with those feelings now that we're 23 is wonderful, and I know we will be able to identify with them time and time again, because they are the ones that make us feel really alive.
The three of us really feel like a family. It is so nice and gives me a sense of purpose and grounding in this start to some transitions in my life. It is so nice to be able to spend most of your time with/live with people you love and respect and look up to as much as we do.
Make sure every day feels like one you are fully living. If that means going against the grain, leaving your comfort zone, whatever... it is worth it. It is how you really figure things out =0)

Every day is a god, each day is a god, and holiness holds forth in time.
I worship each god, I praise each day splintered down, and wrapped in time like a husk
A husk of many colors spreading, at dawn fast over the mountains split.
(Annie Dillard)

How strange and wonderful is our home, our earth,
with its swirling vaporous atmosphere,
Its flowing and frozen climbing creatures,
The croaking things with wings that hang on rocks
And soar through fog, the furry grass, the scaly seas...
How utterly rich and wild...
Yet some of us have the nerve, the insolence, the brass, the gall to whine
About the limitations of our earthbound fate
And yearn for some more perfect world beyond the sky
We are none of us good enough
for the world we have
(Ed Abbey)

Back in Austin we are!

Another journey came to its completion as we rolled into the driveway last night with a new housemate in tow. Laur will be stayin here for a couple of weeks, just hanging out while she attempts to search for jobs in the Boston area hahaha. We are actually hoping to share a room in or around Cambridge/Somerville sometime in the near future! All we need to do is: find jobs, and find a place to live. No big deal.
So after San Francisco we really only had a few days left of biking. We biked down route 1 into Big Sur, which reminds Laur of Hawaii and reminds me of nowhere else I have ever seen. The coastline is just out of this world because of the massive hills that drop off into the ocean, with a little road weaving its way alongside the hills in a series of switchbacks and hills that burn thru car's brakes and biker's legs.
Lauri and Paul stayed in Big Sur for a couple of days while I drove Maya, Sean, and RJ to LA so they could catch a train back to Austin. We stayed with Sean's Uncle Richard, who is a sustainability masta. He has his own greywater system, humanure system, permaculture, natural heating and cooling for his house, all that good stuff. He also has a sailboat that Maya and Sean slept on a bunch on their vacation, and I stayed on once on my way back up to Big Sur from LA. The sailboat is in Morrow Bay, which has a ginormous rock a bit off shore called Morrow Rock that makes you stop and hang out for awhile. It is a really peaceful place, with a lot of pelicans and sea otters to keep you company =0)
From Big Sur we began a weeklong driving journey back toward Austin. One night we camped in Death Valley. There were no other people there except for us pretty much hahaha, but it had less to do with the extreme temperatures, which aren't that extreme in late September, and more to do with its remoteness. When we woke up in the morning we hopped on our bikes while Lauri drove, because there was a 17-mile downhill into to valley that brought us from 5,000 feet to sea level. Way cool man.
Hung out a bunch in the Zion/Grand Canyon area, where amazing hiking abounds. You can see 1.5 billion years of history as you hike down 1 mile in elevation to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, where it is not a blistering wasteland as you might think, but more of a green paradise flourishing around the Colorado River. It is unbelievably beautiful at the bottom of the canyon! We did some slack lining down there too and now Paul is going to set up his slackline in our yard, which he probably should have done a long time ago.
We met some people working for HawkWatch International, counting birds flying near the canyon for 8-10 hours a day! Lauri improved on her already keen bird finding abilities, and we ended up camping at their campspot in Kaibab National Forest, just a bit outside the park. It was really fun and since we hadn't done any warmshowers in awhile it was really great to hang out with people we were just meeting on the trip.
Our final stop before making it home was in Lubbock, TX, where our friend Terrence from the Outdoor School is living now. He was moving into a new apartment that very day, so we christened it with dirt (hadn't showered in a week and a half, just hiked), and ice cream and dr. pepper and pizza.
last night we went through all of our trip pictures and it took at least an hour- paul has over 1,000 and lauri has a few hundred!! so hopefully those will get posted somewhere soon =0)
when will the next bike trip be? only time will tell. you should come...

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some fog proof layers

San Francisco baby!!! Got here last night across a Golden Gate Bridge that had a ten foot visibility hahaha. London fog lives here as well. It was sunny in Sausalito and then WA BAM, the clouds rolled in and you'd never know you came from such a sunny place.
Following route 1 all the way down into the city has been an adventure and a half, with steep windy switchback roads that continue around every corner, beaches that have become warm enough to swim in (!!!), beach acrobatics, unique camping spots, way too much coffee, and the formation of a team name- Scuttlebutt. Why we decided on Scuttlebutt, i must admit i can't quite remember. While eating some cheddar goldfish we picked out our identities based on the goldfish names on the box. Lauri = Extreme, Paul = Brooke, Andrea = Finn, and I am Gilbert. Again, a somewhat inexplicable occurrence hahaha.
We've been meeting a lot of really cool people too; bike tourists seem to have people magnets attached to them because we are kind of a curiosity. There are LOADS of bike tourists though, we are certainly not the only ones. Hikers and other vagabonds as well. The Pacific coast is one hoppin highway, for those with cars and without.
So we got put up for free in this really cool hostel in downtown San Francisco, called Pacific Headwinds. They play really good music all the time, Radiohead right now, and it is reminding us how much we missed listening to music haha. They have 36 people staying in a really small area right now but it is alive and buzzing with hungry foreigners who communicate with whoever else speaks their language. Besides the people who work at the hostel and therefore live here, we're pretty much the only Americans. The reason we get to stay in a room for free is because the guy who runs the hostel likes bike touring and put the hostel on the warmshowers website, only it doesn't say it's a hostel, it just says it's where he lives hahaha.
so during the day we'll explore the city and then our friend Marianne will pick us up in the afternoon and take us to her house about 30 miles south, for an outdoor school reunion with her and her husband Marcus, our friends Maya Sean and Allison, and ourselves. We just stayed with Allison in Arcata a week ago but her family lives in this area so we'll get to meet up with her again! I'm really excited for the fiesta that awaits us =0)
Reading two books right now. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard... good if you want to spend a lot of time exploring outside, it will give you lots of kooky ideas and excitement. Off the Map by Mark Jenkins, about a cycling expedition across Siberia that makes our trip seem like a life of absolute luxury.
Signing off for now, hope to talk to y'all soon,
love,
laura

watchu know about me!

Hello all you fine friendly folk, from Fort Bragg, CA.  hows that for alliteration ay?!

Here comes some memory vomit.... let's go backward in time, shall we.  if you just got an avett brothers song stuck in your head, well, i did too.

so last night we stayed with a warmshowers host named Carrie.  She's doing AmeriCorp in fort bragg with a nonprofit called Food Forest.  They grow vegetables for local schools and teach the kids in the schools about the benefits of growing/eating local food.  She just signed on for her second year of doing it cuz it's a pretty sweet job overall.  She also enjoys classical piano, especially Chopin's ballade in g minor.

the past few days before that we've been camping in the forests, where some mighty tall trees have been growing for a thousand years or so.  we got to run across a 200 foot tall tree that had fallen over, and crawl through a hollowed out tree that had fallen over as well.  walking through the old growth pines makes you feel incredibly tiny.  and seeing all the rings on the trunks makes you feel very young hahaha.  

when we were biking further inland the weather turned warm and sunny and our water bottles started draining much faster.  yesterday we got back to the Pacific, however, and the layers are back on and the water stops are less frequent.  both have their merits =0)

before all the forest camping we stayed in Arcata, where our friend Allison is going to Humboldt State.  Arcata is kind of like Ithaca in its vibe, and I would definitely like to live there for awhile.  There was a contra dance going on in a couple of days but alas, we decided to move on.  We will probably get to contra dance this weekend in San Francisco, though, so Lauri's month of withdrawal will finally come to a close.  In the San Fran area we'll start meeting up with a bunch of friends too- maybe Marykate and Dankwan, Allison again, Maya and Sean (who drove out to San Diego with us), and Marianne, our friend from the outdoor school.  

Our friend Andrea has been biking with us since Arcata and she is pumping up the hills like it ain't nobody's business.  She is always super energetic and excitable, but yesterday she was flying especially high, despite the fact that it was our hilliest day in awhile.  Route 1 is a little bit janky with all the steep switchbacks and lack of shoulder, but it's like you get to ride a bike rollercoaster all day long, and there's not too much traffic so it's a pretty good time.

I'm off to the beach I do believe.  So long for now!

Love,

Laura, and everybody

bike trip numero dos

Hellooooo universe from the house of Emma Pelton and her fine relative Pam. That would be in Portland, Oregon, land of bicycle lovers. The skies are blue and clear, the temperature settles in at 80 and makes us confuse the name portland with paradise.

So Emma has given us some Challenges for the road ahead: we must at least once busk for enough money for a meal, try to get a child on Paul's bike, with their consent and their parents. Fortunately, we well probably not actually attempt the latter challenge.

The movie MicMac gets a high recommendation from us all.

So this girl, Laurina. She doesn't think she can bike, keep up, yadda yadda yadda, "I'm so worried!" Well, guess what. Laurina has successfully left me in the dust every single day we've been riding thus far. We are arguing with head nods in opposite directions, but it is actually true. not. Not not. NOT NOT NOT. ok whatever you win.

Day one: a grand reunion at king's station in seattle. a lot of bike walking to Charlie Lane's house. an excellent warmshowers host i must say! totally laid back, enjoys basil and bumbleberry ice cream, writes all his notes and zine articles on a typewriter. he left on his own bike tour down the coast just yesterday, and i imagine he'll pass us rather quickly. see you in a few days, charlie lane.

Day two: we met up with our old roommate Josh and walked with him to the space needle. he just moved to seattle to go to cornish college of the arts for musical theater. he's totally going to rock it, cuz the kid is fearless and has some pretty solid musical aptitude. we also walked around the big martketplace called pike's place, where the music is fine and the apple cinnamon rolls make you salivate a little too much. i met a 29-year-old man named Elisah there and we talked for a long time about things you don't usually get to talk about. he has terminal brain cancer but he's pretty much never been happier/freer to do whatever he wants with absolutely no worries or inhibitions.
we meant to leave Seattle early in the afternoon but finally got around to it as the clock chimed four bells. We followed Rainier Avenue for a long time to get out of the city, but ended up making a big circle in a town called Renton as we looked for the next road. Luckily, this circle led us directly to the route that a man named Val was taking home. if you want to learn more about Val, check out rollingjackass.com. he is the man, with the most amped up bike i've seen in awhile, complete with a car horn. he led us to a bike path that quelled any of our navigational woes, and we followed it until dark, stopping to pick (or horde if you're Paul) some wild blackberries growing along the sides of the path. if you want to see paul in a state of no self control, lead him to some blackberry bushes and presto.
after the cedar creek bike trail ended we got on a road that led us to black diamond, and saw a shooting asteroid on this very road. really it was just a shooting star. but it looked like it just might make it to the ground.
after a quick little 11 hour nap in black diamond, paul woke us up with blackberry pancakes, praise richard. then we hopped on route 169 down to enumclaw, which is where the "chill" section of the ride ended for, umm, a few days. hello mountains. hello 20 mile uphills. hello numb hands and delirium. whoops, didn't foresee that one, despite knowing that we were headed toward Mt. Rainier and Mt. St. Helens? hope to use the old noggin a bit more next time.
there were a lot of bikers cruisin this terrain, though, so hey i guess the whole world's crazy. they were actually planning on taking on the mountains, however, whereas we just ended up with no choice. we basically biked till we dropped every day for a few days. but the neverending old growth forests, quiet roads, and starry skies at night made it all quite worth it in my opinion. we're definitely in shape for the rest of the ride now, too.
near a campground called white river, we met a guy we'd seen in austin under the congress street bridge when we tried to see the bats with our friend. he and another man have been traveling for 15 years and plan on doing so for the rest of their lives. I wish i could travel around for awhile with them because i know they have so much to teach. i guess they're pretty much just out looking to make sure they see the world as it is and live simply and humbly without any expectations. as we biked away from them up a hill, i saw two dollars bills in the grass, all fresh and crisp like they just plopped down there. so i biked back down the hill and gave one to each of them. wonder if we'll see them again?
i named my bike arlinda. it means beautiful air in spanish. but that's not why i named it arlinda. i guess i don't really know why i did, but we did meet someone named arlinda in seattle and she was pretty neat. lauri doesn't think she'd appreciate knowing i named my bike after her. maybe it has something to do with naming my cadaver tissue arlo, i just like names that roll off my tongue like that?
ok so now we're in portland staying with emma, she is amazing, she and her friend Catherine have been showing us around and i feel kind of spoiled and warm and fuzzy staying here. we'll leave pretty soon, we just don't know when. so until next time, hasta pronto, sayonara.

love,
laurs and paul

maybe?

work at the nature center and be in austin till the end of august. bike till the end of september. go back to austin until thanksgiving... go home from thanksgiving to christmas and visit everyone in new england... go to the dominican over dana's winter break... then see what happens? woofing? austin? missoula? grad school?

takin in the sights in good ol MA

back home in westborough for a couple of days, still awake at 3am for the first time in probably years because im a partying maniac like that.
traveling to a different place always gives you a different perspective on things. even if you're just traveling back and forth between what feels like your two homes. and memory is so fickle. every time you revisit an old memory your brain reconsolidates and warps the information. so where does that leave you?

lord my body
has been a good friend
but i won't need it
when i reach the end

even though i don't really have anything to say in this post, it feels good to at least be recording something.

i want to learn how to tune and fix up Genie's piano. i want to talk to erik and maybe even somehow play something with him sometime. i want to start writing down more of the music in my head.

in terms of the further ahead future, id like to go back to the outdoor school. go on bike tours in the us and in other countries. teach at the taktse school in the himalayas. go to grad school to study music therapy for people with autism. add some music therapy to the wrfi curriculum?

in terms of the nearer to now future, long bike rides every weekend. a long fast to prove to myself i can do it.

what id like most of all is to keep focusing on listening more!!! if the best listening effort you give is to your own thoughts, you're just missing out. keepin the tunnel vision operating in full force. there are way more interesting thoughts floating around amongst your friends and acquaintances, than merely your own.

in westborough i love how funny everything is, how goofy everyone is.
in texas i love how unique everyone is, how many things i still want to do there, how i feel like things are maybe only just beginning, despite the fact that it's been about 4 months.

i like to think about the ways i relate to a person im close to that are completely unique to that one relationship. i like to rely on intuition as much as possible, and seem to relate best to other people who do the same.

i miss playing music for the refugees at school. these are some thoughts from a month ago...

Song for the Refugees

Where are they, which I am seeking most of all

The pair of eyes that will hold my gaze

Warmly, slowly, breaking into a smile

I would not feel like such a stranger here

If I could only find this.

I can feel the flame within my own pair of eyes

Growing dimmer, growing quiet

I want to fight the waning light

But I don't know for how much longer.

Look at me, we are the same

We need each other

More than you or I understand.

So stay with me a minute

Hold my gaze

Learn my face

When we meet on the street again

Do not judge me by my race.

Look past your watch, your answering machine

Understand what I have seen

Do not hide behind that facade

I need you now, I need you now.

And Response

Look into my eyes

I will hold your gaze and share

Your fear, your pain

Let me help you with your load

Mine is none so great to bear

I marvel at the fire you have left

Hold fast to it, let's make it grow again

All things heal with time

Your fire will not die

Though with words we cannot share

There is something much deeper here

Today we understand each other

I do not see your race, I see You, my brother

wear your helmet!

says the person who cared the least about helmet wearing two weeks ago! a $3 child's helmet with flames on it from the thrift store is the reason i'm not a vegetable, along with the solid advice of our friend Maya! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! umm... more on this later!

austin

Watching the movie Memento last night was the final thing to convince me to start recording my thoughts again. Memory surely does get distorted and fragmented over time, and it's nice to have some living proof of the past instead of just some vague ideas. Since my typing speed is more on par with my thinking speed than my handwriting speed is, I'm going to use this blog as my warehouse of ideas. Although I plan to live in Austin for at least several more months, through the end of the summer, I do still kind of feel like I'm out on the open road, takin in the sights in the US of A.
Coming to Austin has been a new breath of fresh air. Everything seems full of life and warmth. The wildflowers are already starting to bloom and our seeds are already starting to sprout. We are learning new things every day, like how to make your own yogurt or ginger brew, sprout sprouts, eat beautiful vegetables for free, and think outside the box as often as possible. I have been talking with my coworker, Sherri, about how we feel like we are living in a dream state a lot of the time. If you stay calm and centered and look at everything as an adventure waiting to happen, life can easily slip into a sort of fantasy world that feels like a waking dream. So while I have been having a lot of trouble remembering my sleeping dreams, I still feel like a lucid dreamer a lot of the time, in my everyday life. Although I am awake I can ask myself the same question that a lucid dreamer might: "I am in control of my own dream right now; what is it that I want to do?" Although my possible answers are definitely more limited, it is such a cool way to approach every day.
What I want to do with my life is simply to keep it as adventurous and free spirited as I possibly can. To completely eliminate the ideas of stress and anxiety and fear. To act upon motives that are as pure and good intentioned as possible. I'm going to farm in South America, bike to Moab with Maya, instruct a WRFI course, release an album with Andrea, work at the hospital in Haiti, write a Requiem, write a soundtrack, become a Reiki practitioner and a massage therapist, study hypnotism and Daoism, research music and the mind in graduate school, run Leadville and Western States, bike across the country from farm to farm with Anna, go on a 10 day Vipassanna retreat. Or maybe I won't. The point is that I could do any of those things if I choose to. Your mind in the present, your memories of the past, your conception of what the future will be, that is all that reality is. Life is a waking dream. Reality is your illusions. So make them good ones knowing the power is all yours.
It is only too easy to stay inspired when you are constantly seeing the good in everything around you.